FIVE TIPS TO OVERCOME THE "MOMMY GUILT

5 TIPS TO OVERCOME THE "MOMMY GUILT"

ENJOY PARENTHOOD, DON'T DWELL ON IT

Remember the joy you felt when you found out you were pregnant? And how terrified you felt asking yourself how on Earth were you going to raise a child with the busy lifestyle you have? Yet you were over the moon planning the nursery theme and colors. I think we have all been there before; the thing about "parenting" is that it can be one of the most joyful experiences, yet be the most dreadful one of your life. 

Women in general are superheroes, we just fail to acknowledge it. Somehow we always manage to get things done or at least pretend to make it seem that way. We hold this poker face pretending everything is ok, even when it isn't. Being a mother requires a lot of energy, positive attitude, and lots and lots of time management. 

We dwell when things don't seem to fall into place and expect so much from ourselves that we become our toughest critics, especially when it comes to raising our children. Just remember that only because you feel you aren't doing enough, doesn't mean you aren't doing it. I have gathered 5 tips that I swear by and will help you kiss the "mommy guilt" good bye!

Tip 1: Acceptance

As a parent it is important to open ourselves a little and allow the word "acceptance" to become part of our daily lifestyle. Accepting you are doing your best as a parent to provide: the best care, education, finances, and interest for your children is one of the biggest milestones. 

Accepting you are good doing your best as a mother and avoid judging your own decision will help you mentally and emotionally. You have your own reasons to work extra hours at work, study until late at night, work on projects that you know will generate extra income, etc. Life is full of sacrifices and believe it's in your best interest to sacrifice certain moments for the wellbeing of your family.  

Tip 2: Don't compare yourself to others

Another big mistake moms tend to do is, compare themselves to others. This is by far the worst thing you can do. Belittling your own worth by comparing yourself to others will make you doubt your own potential and instead create a negative mindset of your own capabilities.

Yes, we see many working moms making boss moves; running a business, a successful blog, having their own professional career, following a fitness lifestyle, and what not. However, keep in mind that we only see what they want us to see and remember that "behind a successful women is a tribe". 

As much as it's admiring to support other women, we must do it in a mindful manner to where it doesn't affect our emotions or self-esteem. Women supporting other women is meant to uplift and bring positivity. You can admire other mothers' strength and capability to balance motherhood and their careers; however, it's important to stay positive and set realistic goals based on your situation. 

Avoid feeling guilt and instead set goals, get inspired, and motivated. Lead by example what your kids see is what they will do. Turn an absurd comparison to a counter productive achievement. Don't set goals, accomplish them.

Tip 3: Set a routine

Don't waste time being busy, instead, be productive. There is nothing more satisfactory than being in control, plan ahead, value your time, incorporate time management routine in your daily life. Your mom self will love it and your kids will enjoy it.

Routines can be a life savers! Not only do they facilitate peoples' needs, they promote a sense of wellness through structure and organization. A lack of structure can contribute to many health benefits:

• Stress
• Poor sleep
• Poor eating
• Poor Physical condition
• Ineffective use of time

Time management and daily routines sound scarier than it actually is, as a mom we need to find ways that will benefit our both; ourselves and children.

Tip 4: Quality Over Quantity

Children have the purest hearts, and in their eyes we can do no wrong. They are also not oblivious; they see mommy's struggles and guilt. For them, your happiness is their happiness. We often feel guilty for not spending too much time with them or for not being a good enough mom for them, but most times children don't want quantity time, they want quality time. 

Don't feel guilty or mom shame yourself for not being around all the time, but when you are make sure to make up for the time you weren't. By nature children always crave attention, it's part of their development, make sure to drop the phone and be present, engaged, and happy. That is what kids love to see, a happy mom.

Do fun activities with them, take them to the park, visit museums, grab some frozen yogurt, bake together, or watch a movie. There a lot of budget friendly activities to do with kids; they will love each and every one of them.

Tip 5: Self-Care 

Mother's tend to deal with the pressure of motherhood differently, some are very passionate and dedicated that often end up neglecting some "self-care" time for themselves. Others have learned that it is important to take a break, and just because you do so won't make you a "bad mom". 

When things get overwhelming the last thing you want to do is try to push through without having some time to cool off and relax. Make plans to treat yourself every once in a while; remember, a happy mom is a good mom, leave the guilt for different day.

You need your mom fuel and self care is essential in every mom's life, here are some tips to consider for self-care and boost your dopamine levels.

• Exercise (exercise is a great way to release stress and feel better emotionally)
• Pamper yourself (whether its a manicure or facial, we must maintain our glamour and at the same time make ourselves feel powerful and beautiful)
• Girl Time (hanging out with your friends can help you ease your emotions and you'll be happy to catch up with a life outside of home and work)
• Read (reading can boost your imagination, whether you read 50 shades of gray or a Game of Thrones book; they're life changing)
• Start a series (grab some wine and crackers and binge watch your favorite series, or even better, start a new one)

Regardless of what you opt to consider from my self-care boosters, you must learn to show some self-love and not be too hard on yourself. There is no room for perfection, but there's always room for improvement. Mommy life is too amazing to live it with guilt, be kind to yourself, and be great!

References

Guilt. https://www.hackensackmeridianhealth.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/guilt.jpg. Accessed 16 September 2020.

Empowering women. https://content.thriveglobal.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Empowering_Women.jpg?w=1550. Accessed 17 September 2020.

Northwestern Medicine. https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/health-benefits-of-having-a-routine#:~:text=Some%20ways%20a%20routine%20can,sleep%20will%20leave%20you%20refreshed. Accessed 16 September 2020.

Working Mom. https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1238/5500/articles/3863x2578-To-the-Working-Mom_1000x600_crop_center.jpg?v=1499810250.Accessed 17 September 2020

Mother and daughter reading a book. https://i0.wp.com/theevolvemag.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/photo-of-mother-and-daughter-reading-a-book-while-in-bed-Libby-Pecheur-the-evolve-mag-magazine-august-copy-1.jpg?resize=800%2C533&ssl=1. Accessed 17 September 17 2020.

Women in bath. https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/lifestyle/2020/04/your-self-care-lockdown-routine-for-this-weekend/_jcr_content/par/image.dynimg.full.q75.jpg/v1587099006697/woman-in-bath-getty-1120.jpg. Accessed 17 September 2020.